Okay. You know it's bad when I start relating to Pink Floyd lyrics. I've been going through a situation of my own design. And like the song says, "Now I've got that feeling once again, I can't explain, you would not understand, this is not how I am."
The thing is, I know that I'll move and grow through this moment in my life. It's no more than a point on a line on a plane woven into the fabric of my life's universe. But for right now...there is still the bottomless pit that lives in my stomach everytime I allow my mind to wander the slightest little bit. And being human, I occasionally feel the need to test the depth of the abyss. So I look at some pictures, listen to some songs and feel myself plummeting through the darkness. And sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly...I come back...the bungie cord of sanity pulling me back to the edge of the chasm.
The hardest part about this "state" of being right now is feeling isolated. I find myself wanting to interact. That's why I'm writing here. I think that if I'm so eager to talk to someone else, it must mean I have to talk to myself first. I enjoy companionship. I was raised in a big family and I always had someone around. And we're great story tellers, great talkers...and that exchange...it feeds me...feeds part of my soul. Is it just being the baby of the family and thus an attention whore? I don't know. It could be. All I know is that right now, I feel like I'm a bit segregated. I'm trying to get the hang of this looking inside thing, but honestly, I'd do better with a checklist than this freestyle contemplation.
So...this rambles, but I feel a bit better. Knowing that how I feel is how I feel and not a state of being helps. I'm a happy person. Some moments I just have to try a little harder to remember that than in other moments.
